Welcome to rate my Skiff

The Secrets of Skiff

Trojan Crabstick became High Priest of the Skiff after a vision in which The Great Skiffer's CV was revealed to him by an enlightened employer. Pants down with anticipation, he awaits further revelations. He now spends his time wandering department stores in search of the perfect Skiff.

The earliest Skiffers include The Mad Shagger, Wedgie the Wedge, Mr Detail, HM, Little Skiffer and Knarly Skiff who were all present when Trojan first recounted his vision and it is to this Council that Trojan handed the Secrets of Skiff:

• Skiffing is the non-erotic contact between arse-crack and any inanimate object
• A Skiff is only valid if performed with a bare crack
• The object to be Skiffed must come into direct contact with the Skiffer's bare crack or no Skiffing has occurred
• The chocolate starfish should never be awoken
• If the starfish yawns the Skiff is immediately invalid
• For a Skiff to qualify for rating it must be photographed
• Anybody may rate a Skiff but the decision of The Council is final
• The Skiff rating is dependant on location, prickliness of item, audience numbers and above all ownership. For example, Skiffing a pineapple you have not yet bought, in the supermarket, in front of the checkout staff, the manager and your mother would merit maximum points
• Skiffing an item that does not belong to you, or a student, instantly results in a higher Skiff rating
• With the exception of students and badgers, only inanimate objects should be skiffed
• Should a mark be left the Skiffer will lose 150 points from their total or be demoted which ever is the greater
• Badgers are an endangered species and may only be skiffed in the presence of Badger Boy
• Students may be Skiffed at anytime
• If a non-student Skiffs a student without their permission the non-student instantly becomes a Grand Skiffer.

System Skiff as revealed to Trojan:

0-1000 Points: Novice
1000-2000 Points: Disciple
2000-3000 Points: Skiffer
4000-5000 Points: Skiffer Sergeant
5000-6000: Grand Skiffer
6000-10, 000: Grand Master Skiffer

On reaching 10,000 points you become eligible to be elevated to the Grand Council of Skiff. Only those selected and ratified by the Grand Council can join. In exceptional circumstances the council may choose to elevate people with fewer than 10,000 points as was the case with Badger Boy. The current council consists of: Trojan Crabstick, Wedgie the Wedge, The Mad Shagger, Badger Boy, HM, Mr Detail, Little Skiffer and Knarly Skiff.

For information on Extreme Skiffing or any other matter please contact: ratemyskiff@hotmail.com

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